Email to Jess

Basically people are all narcissists. We're all into ourselves and our stuff. It's like Donald Miller talked about (Blue Like Jazz?) if anyone were ever to really be about other people that person would be the most different person ever.

I'm glad you brought it up, because I'm feeling pretty convicted right now. I'm so tired. Tired of this summer and of being "on" all the time. I'd go to work and have to concentrate and be "on" and then come home and have to cope with the Truth stagnating in the air at home. Never an "off" moment to just . . . sit and read my book, or be grumpy by myself. Jesus must've felt that way all the time. He'd try to pull away, and people would chase after him and he'd end up looking at them, and even though he was probably so tired his body just didn't want to anymore, he'd feel compassion for them - because they were like sheep without a shepherd. It takes something from you to feel compassion.

I talked about that in my grad school interview too, about how being there for people costs you something. I told Jabez about that too, before he left, about how some things in life are hard, and you know they're going to be hard, but you have to do them anyway. So what I usually do is try to pull myself together and hit them as hard as I can while still pacing myself if necessary. In my head it's like a battle scene, and the armies are looking at each other, and finally one guy takes a deep breath, brandishes his sword and rushes forward. That's me - I take a huge breath and let the waves of whatever it is wash over me. Then I think about that verse - I'll look it up, Ephesians 6:13 - where it talks about standing in the day of evil, and then, after you've done everything, to stand. Pretty much, I feel like I'm just standing now. My legs feel like they want to buckle underneath me, but I'm not going to. Thanks Jesus for standing with me.

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13